How to eat at Whataburger

I used to think Whataburger was everywhere like McDonald’s. Then I found out it was mostly just a Texas thing, but now I don’t know how far they have spread. There are over 700 of them. I worked at #24, the first A-frame one that became the icon for the company. I have two pieces of advice for you whether you have eaten there are your life, or are just seeing one for the first time.

• Order a Whataburger!

Or a Whataburger Jr., or a double, or a triple… Cheese? No cheese? Doesn’t matter. Extra pickles? Mustard on top, ketchup on bottom? Fine. Cut it in half? Toast the bun on both sides? Wheat bun? No problem! It doesn’t matter how you want it, just order a Whataburger. One half decent fry cook at Whataburger can easily handle 20 burger orders, all with different configurations, without batting an eye. You want to throw off rhythm of the kitchen? Order a salad, or chicken, or fajitas. Now you’re going to wait an extra 20 minutes and something is going to get messed up.

• Don’t worry about cleaning your table!

I know you think you’re helping by throwing all your own trash away, but here’s the deal… if your table doesn’t look like someone just ate there, it’s not going to get cleaned! I want to believe my table was wiped down and sterilized before I ate on it. Please don’t let me find out that some kid just waxed it with his own snot and nobody knew because mom picked up her trash and blew the crumbs away. Take the big mess if you like, but leave something visible!